Commentary: Terms like ‘lucky boy’ and ‘men will be men’ are problematic double standards
SINGAPORE: In that location are times when disheartening online comments make y'all about desire to quit social media birthday.
Thursday (Jun 13) was ane of those days for me.
Later on the Ministry of Instruction (MOE) came out to underscore the severity of a case involving a female secondary schoolhouse instructor bedevilled this week of sexually exploiting her 15-year-old male person student, a similar set of disturbing comments that prompted MOE's response in the first place started to mushroom on social media.
"What abuse? Information technology'southward enjoyment," said a reader.
"The boy volition exist looked upon equally a superstar," said another.
And the verdict on these lewd reactions? It's men just beingness men, a 3rd reader said.
PROGRESS ON ONE Front
Thursday was also the twenty-four hours the National University of Singapore (NUS) appear a plan to implement recommendations from a review committee, afterward undergraduate Monica Baey took her grievances confronting a beau student who filmed her showering to Instagram.
It was assuring to see NUS accept the need to rectify what Minister for Education Ong Ye Kung had called a "evidently inadequate" prepare of penalties and go bully on rolling out a full suite of new measures that amend reflect zero tolerance towards sexual voyeurism.
READ: Here'due south what nix tolerance towards sexual misconduct looks like, commentary
READ: University campuses must exist condom places for all, a commentary
Tougher sanctions and the establishment of a victim care unit volition hopefully go some way to deter potential perpetrators and provide better back up for victims.
Simply while progress in tackling one area of sexual misconduct has been achieved, comments on the instructor-educatee case bear witness our overall attitudes regarding gender and sexual practice conspicuously have some way to go.
TOXIC VIEWS Well-nigh Sex activity
Some corners of our society seem to agree toxic views of masculinity, including the idea that women are objects of conquest.
Online chatter on the instance suggest the teenager had the upperhand and there was no style he had been coerced into doing something he didn't desire to.
Despite their age difference of more than x years, many seem to think the boy would take been able to navigate a disruptive, non to mention criminal, relationship with an older woman.
If the case had involved a 15-twelvemonth-quondam girl and a 26 twelvemonth-old male instructor, we would have been up in arms. Yet because the educatee was male, he couldn't have been a victim, the thinking goes in some quarters.
Some even take in mind an image of the instructor in question as a sweetness, immature and innocent thing, though she was the adult entrusted with the male child'due south care.
TRUST AND VULNERABILITY EXPLOITED
There accept been scores of other cases of sexual exploitation where an adult continues to develop a relationship with a minor, offering favours and treats, brushing off the knowledge that such illicit exchanges are wrong, and coaxing the youth to get comfortable with a pat, a shoulder rub and more.
It's fifty-fifty more abhorrent when the adult is in a position of authority. Students naturally look upwardly to teachers equally role models.
Sometimes, in that disorienting waft of admiration, the onset of adolescence and raging hormones tin can blur lines. Reverence for an adult figure whose validation is sought and who much time is spent around tin can be mistaken for romantic affection.
"Child sexual abuse happens when an adult exploits a kid's vulnerability … The kid tin't encompass what'south happening. They can't requite consent; they aren't developmentally gear up for information technology," says AWARE's Laika Jumabhoy who works with victims at its Sexual Assault Care Centre on the episode on The Pulse.
Listen: The Pulse: Child sexual abuse – grappling with betrayal and trauma
This recognised vulnerability of minors that cut across gender is one that changes to the Penal Lawmaking passed just concluding month sought to protect. Our laws have shifted - only have our mindsets?
Afterall, studies suggest girls and boys are more alike on all major psychological variables at that age than these online comments would accept you believe. Some research even suggest boys mature slower.
Ability IN SEXUAL RELATIONS
To those who uphold the teenager as some sort of hero to exist worshipped, can you imagine if it were your child?
Any trusting, broad-eyed youngster can fall casualty to a confident, sweet-talking adult who doles out gifts and nice gestures that later plough out to be part of a manipulative predator's toolkit only in hindsight.
It'south so much easier if sexual predators turn out to exist monsters or perverts operating in the shadows who we all agree deserve advisable punishment – like in Monica Baey's case or that of a 28-year-old man who was sentenced (also on Thursday) for having sex with a girl half his age.
READ: 'They don't deserve to take so much away from me' – how survivors of child sexual abuse find hope, recovery, a commentary
'MEN WILL BE MEN'
Back to how readers reacted on social media, and 1 reader excusing others for congratulating the boy. That likewise is problematic.
"Men will be men" suggests men acquit a certain way, are expected to exist brash and unapologetic, and practice not need to take responsibility for what they say or do, which is deeply troubling.
Sorting out our problematic gender relations that confute these comments is admittedly a tall gild.
Instead of shock and outrage, what we demand is an honest conversation about our relationship with sex and how men and women view each other.
And we can showtime breaking this cycle by refraining from excusing bad behaviour on the basis of gender.
"Men will exist men" and "what a lucky boy" are not harmless phrases to exist repeated.
Lin Suling is executive editor at CNA Digital News where she oversees the Commentary section and hosts The Pulse podcast.
Source: https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/commentary-terms-lucky-boy-and-men-will-be-men-are-problematic-double-standards-276236
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